HOW DID THIS GET TO BE THE 1ST ANNUAL LITERALLY AWARDS
In which we compare the gang’s progress in episodes 27-48 against their efforts in episodes 1-26.
Not counting towards the totals:
- The bi-weekly mini-episodes.
- Advertisements with the checkout code “literally”.
- Anything during the live show at Largo (Episode #31) after the crew brought out the original graph and discussed it. Counting that would, like, totally be entrapment.
IN THE CATEGORY OF “MOST ON THE WAGON”
(for the person exhibiting the most improved self restraint during the second half of the year)
WINNER: Paul Scheer, for going from an average of 2.15 L-bombs per episode down to an average of 1.32, a 39% drop. (Jason’s 29% drop went from 2.04 to 1.45)
THE “MARATHON MAN” AWARD
(for the person who resisted temptation the longest in a single episode before giving in)
RUNNER-UP: Paul Scheer, for holding out 36 minutes and 29 seconds before gracing episode #22 with literality.
WINNER: Jason Mantzoukas, for waiting 39 entire minutes and 24 entire seconds into Judge Dredd before succumbing to what is literally one of the worst movies they’ve ever done.
THE “MINUTE MAN” AWARD
(for the fastest use of the word “literally” in an episode)
RUNNER-UP: Jesse Thorn, episode #46, could only wait 1 minute and 50 seconds before letting us know that a thing he was describing was not “figurative”, but “literal”.
WINNER: Jason Mantzoukas, for his 1 minute 33 second performance during the Crank 2 episode. (*)
((* Huge asterisk here: the originally released file of #13 lacked the advertisement at the beginning — which now pushes the time on this to 1:57. So according to the ancient laws of our tribe, if Jesse Thorn wants to contest this, he is entitled to challenge Jason to a knife-fight on stage at UCB.))
"LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT" AWARD
(for literally the most total number of incidents)
It’s a tie! As of this writing, both Paul and Jason have used the word “literally” literally the exact same number of times, at 85 each.
AND FINALLY, THE AWARD FOR “MOST HEARTBREAKING”
In episode #30 with Brian Huskey, at 30 minutes and 7 seconds, it was June Diane Raphael who broke our collective hearts when she allowed one solitary L-word to cross her lips. I officially I no longer believe in anything.
The BBC’s Sherlock is Fucking Boss
That is all.